Welcome to Share Saturday here at The Heart of a Woman blog! Each Saturday, we’ll be able to read about the way that the message of Heart of a Woman has changed the way we live! How have our hearts changed, and how do our actions change because of that? This first message comes from one of our beautiful alumni from the retreat, Kambree.
Before we hear from Kambree, I wanted to take just a few lines and explain a phrase that may be unfamiliar to those who haven’t read Captivating or attended the retreat. At Heart of a Woman, an agreement is what we call it when the enemy of our souls whispers (or shouts!) lies to us, and we believe them, and act on them. In essence, we agree with these lies, therefore, it’s called an agreement. They usually get made when we’ve been wounded by others, or when we’ve made a mistake, and we’re especially vulnerable to believing lies. “I’m never going to let that happen to me again, therefore…” is usually how it begins. It’s ugly, powerful, and can lead us to act in ways that do more harm to us or others.
Without further ado, here’s Kambree:
I am indebted to you all. I just wanted to share with you that I took to heart the messages I heard and I know that I will be processing these messages for a lifetime really, and that’s okay.
I know that things lined up in my life in such a way that I was able to take advantage of a gift that God wanted me to have and it has meant so much.
A quick story that I wanted to share with you. Yesterday was my first day back to work. The day was hectic and getting back into the swing of things was a little chaotic to say the least. On Sunday I ran into a friend. This friend is pretty demanding of my time and requires a lot from me emotionally in our friendship. I am okay with this because I do feel that God has placed me in her life and she in mine, for a reason. I quickly made a commitment to stop by the next day after work because she said that she needed to talk and “I should come over for a visit”. She is basically housebound except for church. Her health is poor and she has no family here besides her husband, to support her. Even if they were here, they are not supportive of her religious choices and are emotionally unavailable.
Well, to finish the story, yesterday I ended up working late and my daughter got sick at school and it was just one thing after another that filled up my day. I forgot my visit with my friend and got home and while making dinner got a text from her that let me know that I had forgotten her.
In that moment an agreement was realized in my mind. I felt so much guilt wash over me. So much guilt that I wanted to cry. My day had been so crazy and I’d forgotten a friend and it made me wish the earth would swallow me up right there.
The agreement, “You have broken this friendship because you were not there for her. She cannot trust you. You are not trustworthy.”
Because of this past weekend, because of ALL your hard work and the hard work of so many beautiful people, I was able to reject this agreement. Once the agreement was rejected, I had room in my mind and heart to feel the truth. “You made a mistake. Mistakes can help you find ways to nurture your friendship and help it grow stronger. This mistake does not diminish your worth, nothing can diminish your worth. Choose to reach out to her. Sincerely apologize, and move on.”
Normally I run and hide (figuratively) when I make a mistake. I feel shame and sadness that my imperfections are so apparent and glaring to myself and I just know that others cannot love me when they witness these flaws in me too.
I’m learning slowly to reject this and other agreements that damage my soul so deeply.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for using your gifts and talents to be a conduit for the Spirit of the Lord to work through to touch so many lives. Mine has been forever changed!
All the best,